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Have you ever felt “I don’t belong here?”

You might have, perhaps in a few social gathering

or some kind of groups.

 

Here, I am talking about the persistent sense of

“I am not here”. Or in some case,

“I don’t want to be here.”

 

There are a number of people who feel this way.

Certainly, I have.

Many of us had the unstable childhood

or have experienced some kind of

childhood trauma. We didn’t feel safe.

 

There are also Highly Sensitive People

who might feel this way “I don’t belong”

or “I don’t deserve to be here”.

 

HSPs are extremely sensitive

to all kinds of stimuli; sound, scent,

light, sight, violence, touch, taste,

chemical, caffeine, smoke, medication,

temperature, pain, dust, vibration, etc.

 

We are very sensitive to the slightest

change of environment, people’s needs

and emotions, relationships, etc.

 

We also tend to think everything thoroughly.

Wanting to make a good decision,

sometimes we need more time to make up

our mind before taking actions.

 

Some highly sensitive children grow up

with a warm supportive environment

with their family members and caretakers.

 

Others grow up with the unsupportive

environment or even experience mocking,

bullying, and abuse.

 

We may become a victim,

an endurer or an over-achiever,

constantly seeking approvals.

 

 

 

 

The book “Highly Sensitive Person

was written by Dr. Elaine Aron,

a research psychologist in New York.

 

Until she published this book,

HSP has not been seen as

a trait that we are born with.

 

They were sometimes mistaken

as “neurotic” as the functional

mental disorders.

 

Only recently, I made a peace with

this idea that I am one of HSPs.

While growing up, of course,

I did not know about HSP at all.

 

When I read this book, it brought me

tremendous relief and understanding.

 

It eased all the pain of so many memories

of being very uncomfortable

with the certain events, or daily stimuli.

 

To this day, I get affected and exhausted

especially the sound, scent,

and people’s energy.  I do get physical

reactions too.

 

I need a lot of quiet downtimes alone.

It certainly affected my relationships.

 

It all made sense after I read Dr. Elaine’s book.

I started revisiting and reframing

all my experiences in the different light.

 

 

Dr. Elaine Aron describes HSPs in details

providing numerous research and interviews

she had done with her husband and her colleagues.

 

Not all the HSPs are introverts.

Not all the introverts are HSPs.

Nevertheless, I think HSPs and introverts

can be seen differently at the workplaces,

the schools, in all sorts of relationships, etc.

 

15-20% of the population and many species

on the earth are highly sensitive.

 

They most likely play the role of

noticing subtle changes

so that the species can survive.

 

For some difference in processing

the stimuli in the brain,

they take everything in the deeper level.

 

We are born that way.

 

We are “canaries in a coal mine”.

In human’s case, we HSPs tend

to think and feel deeper.

 

They feel other people’s needs and

feel urged to offer help.

We are not the ones who die first like

“canaries in a coal mine”.

 

We’ll let you know the danger

is near and we must do something.

 

Since we sense human needs

naturally and have this urge to rescue,

sometimes we become people pleasers.

 

If it turns out to the positive direction,

we serve the humanity a great deal.

 

Since we need the extra cushion to

be safe and comfortable,

we could think of and invent something

new that no one sees yet.

 

We tend to be a one who sees

and tries new things.

 

We get startled easily and we are

the ones who try to help immediately

if someone falls.

 

HSPs notice the details of everything

around them. Many of HSPs

are highly creative and artistic.

 

Many of them become the researchers,

artists, judges, analysts, doctors, nurses,

and monks, etc. Many also become healers,

therapists, and spiritual practitioners.

 

We are not defects. We are different.

 

In our aggressive society though,

HSPs often suffer from astigmatism.

Being perceived as “shy” “introverted”

“too fussy” “hard to please” “odd”,

we start growing the sense of shame and guilt.

 

We take those judgments seriously

to our heart too since we want to

be accepted and loved so desperately.

 

HSPs feel the sadness and joy deeply as well.

Over-joyed or over-saddened, sometimes

parents see them as “difficult” or

“overly emotional”.

 

We start asking

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“Why am I different from others?”

 

We start developing the sense

“I don’t belong here.”

“I don’t deserve.”

 

Susan Cain speaks beautifully

in her TEDx Talk

The Power of Introverts”,

and why we want to see these seemingly

“different” people who may not be

quite appreciated in this world of over stimuli.

 

The world needs us (and diverse population)

in this modern society. Diversity is empowerment.

While we have many countries

where children are not

receiving enough education,

we have other issues in some countries

like USA and Japan.

 

In Japan, there are numerous

“withdrawn” children

who refuse to go to school now,

or they choose not to go.

 

Parents are trying to find the solutions

or totally heart broken.

 

A big portion of those,

10% of school age children in Japan’s case,

might have different sensitivity from others.

 

Just being in the school system that forces

all the children to learn at the same

pace and with the same material

with everyone else, the energy

they get drained out must be

enormous particularly if they are HSPs.

 

Self-care is extremely important for HSPs.

We must say “what we need”

to blossom to our best.

 

We need to restore in the quiet

space alone to recover so that

we can work to our full potential.

We need to have boundaries to be

a happy family member and a love partner.

 

Many HSPs work and function

very well in a group and corporate

settings as well.

 

When others understand HSPs’ needs,

they not only work better but thrive.

 

We tend to perform much better

in a quiet safe environment.

 

It’s extremely difficult to take strong

chemical scents in the hallways and buildings.

 

The noise of machines and traffic are

draining to us to the degree

that we have to wear noise canceling earbuds, etc.

 

Some of us do much better in a cubic

rather than an open space

since we feel everyone’s energy.

 

If we happen to see violent scene

or pictures, it haunts us for a long time.

 

We may stay up through the night.

 

The sense of safety, fear, and anger are

all protecting us and supporting

our mechanism to survive.

They all reside in Root Chakra.

 

There are still a lot of people

who don’t know that they are HSPs.

They don’t know why they can’t

sleep at night.

 

Knowing and understanding HSPs

will give so much relief for their families,

friends, and co-workers.

 

If you know someone you think

who may be HSP, please read

Dr. Elaine’s book “Highly Sensitive Person”.

 

If you think your children are

HSC (Highly Sensitive Children),

reading her book will bring you

tremendous insight,

relief, and benefit.

 

Our wellness is

“We’ll-ness”.

 

Together we can make our lives

so much more fruitful and joyful.

 

Here is Dr. Elaine’s

“Highly Sensitive Person” Test

that you can take in 20 seconds.

Even for non-HSPs, modern life

with constant high stimuli causes

insomnia sometimes.

Here is the relief.

 

The easy version for restful sleep you can do without any yoga experience.

ぐっすり安眠 快眠を誘う:不眠症・足のむくみ・ストレス解消 ごろごろヨガシリーズ 2

 

My YouTube Video for Viparita Karani (A yoga pose to relieve Insomnia).

健康長寿の王様:不眠症解消 ヴィパリタ・カラーニ